All for nothing
by lillyrush88
Summary: Chapter 8: A brutal knock on the door made her jump again, before it was answered by the loudest and most furious bark the black lab seemed to be capable of. It sent Maura flying up the stairs, racing towards the children's rooms.
1. Chapter 1

**All for nothing**

* * *

Chapter One

She woke with a start. Her stomach dropped as if she was falling. Though the feeling disappeared the next second, when she became aware of the cold and hard floor beneath her. She had no idea what had pulled her to consciousness, but she clang to the sudden urge to jump up and get going. So she tried to push herself up on her hands, before her eyes had even adjusted to the dark surroundings. For some reason it felt odd.

_Numb _was the first word that came to her somehow she was stuck, but the numbness as well as the darkness prevented her from realizing where and how and why. A muffled cry followed the second attempt to push away from the cold ground. It made her heart skip a beat.

"Jane?", she exhaled and found her voice weak and her throat dry and sore. She tried to take in the room, squinting in order to adjust to the darkness, to find her. She would have recognized a frustrated grunt like this among a thousand voices.

As she tried to push up again her hands started to tingle, to hurt even. And again Jane cried out, right beside her, which made her wince. Another frustrated noise was the response, though when it ebbed away in a whimper, Maura finally stopped moving.

"Jane?", she asked again clearing her throat, but was only met with silence. She closed her eyes against the pounding in her chest, the rushing blood in her ears and the sharp tingle in her palms and fingers. She clenched her hands into fists, though she knew very well that it wouldn't help. Maura wished she'd have the power to will her blood to stop circulating, to still just for a couple of seconds, so she could get a hold on her other senses. Concentrating on the physiology however, seemed to at least help the panic that was threatening to overtake her mind. She took in a last breath and then listened.

There. Loud and rapid breaths. Jane had to be lying right next to her. She reopened her eyes and now immediately was able to make out her friend's form as if she only had to know in order to see. Jane lay on her right side, her back to Maura, and didn't move. She now also spotted her hands curled up at the base of Jane's skull. She could feel Jane's hair now, grazing her knuckles. She moved to touch it, to turn her, to make sure the detective was okay, but as soon as she did, Jane let out another desperate noise.

"Jane?", she tried for the third time. "What is it? I can barely see you. Talk to me." The detective made a small sound in the back of her throat, not moving an inch. Maura frowned.

"Am I cuffed?" Then her eyes widened.

"Are you cu... I mean, are we... together!?" Another frustrated grunt. _Alright, keep it together, Maura. Stupid unfinished sentences. Never mind. Not important right now._

Jane seemed frustrated, she probably was hurt. _Something_ was wrong. Aside from the cuffs and the dark room. Obviously.

"Are you gagged?" A sigh, a yes. Maura's heart dropped.

"So it hurts when I move..." _Or somehow I seem to hurt you when I move._ "... so I-I'm what? Cuffed to your head? Where are _your_ hands?" She heard metal scraping against stone and carefully glanced down, trying not to change her position. Jane's hands were clasped tightly together behind her back.

"Alright, Jane. I'm sorry, but I want to try and move to have a look at you. I need to know..." Her words trailed off and she anxiously waited for an answer. It took her a while to realize that Jane was not really able to respond. _Concentrate, _she chided herself.

"Okay", she stated more to herself than to the woman lying next to her. Suddenly it felt awful to talk, when her opposite was ripped off the power to do so as well. Maura tried to push up again, this time on her elbows, trying not to move her hands. She crawled towards Jane until their bodies met, but still couldn't see the woman's face. Maura would have to lean over and then actually lie onto Jane, if she stayed in this position where she couldn't use her hands to hold herself up.

"I'll be careful", she commented her unexpressed thoughts and then carefully tried to pull her knees up under her body. There was that desperate whimper again as her arms moved too far from the ground. Too far from where her hands were attached to Jane's head. Maura tried to soothe her with a couple "I'm sorrys" and shifted further until she came to kneel next to her friend, but keeping her hands still on the floor.

Jane seemed to notice that Maura was done scrambling and carefully turned her head, forcing Maura to lean down towards her hands a little more again. It was an uncomfortable position the way she was incapable of supporting the weight of her upper body. She didn't want to try and push her palms against the concrete, as long as she didn't know how tightly exactly her hands were linked to the back of Jane's skull.

Maura frowned at the concentration everything took and at her overly exhausted body. Finally their eyes met and she gasped in surprise. Jane looked back at her, concerned and mirroring Maura's frown. Most of the lower half of the detective's face was covered in duct tape. Then she spotted the chain. On each side next to Jane's ears a chain peered out from under the tape, held in place by it. The metal pressed into her cheeks and down onto her hair. It wound around her head, where it confined Maura's hands.

"God..." The words got stuck somewhere between Maura's heart and her throat. Her pulse quickened again. _Why? Who? How? Jane_. _Just lying there, motionless. Staring at me, hovering over her. Almost unreadable. Her breath shallow and still rapid. _

Maura blinked. Twice. And came back to life.

"Listen-" She had to clear her throat again. The pain it brought felt right. "Let's try to sit you up. I've got an idea." No response again. She had no idea what this, this... _terrifying mess_ was doing to her. To them.

"Alright then", she whispered and slowly slid down to crouch next to her friend's back again.

"This is how we do it: I'll count to three and you push up as far as you can. I will hold on to your head so I can match your movements and the ch-" She had to stop herself. Jane would know why they'd have to try to synchronize their movements. The chain would cut deeper into her skin anyway.

"I'll quickly stretch my knee out under you so you won't fall back to the ground. And from there on I can maneuver you upright." Maura watched Jane's frown deepen and found herself wondering, whether the detective was making fun of her our doubting that Maura was capable of pushing the other woman up. Maura was doubting herself, of course she was. But she had been _trained_ to hide self doubt since she was four. It came to her naturally.

"You're with me on this?" Subconsciously she had used words Jane might have chosen. Even her voice had the familiar no-funny-business tinge of the detective. Jane's face relaxed, her expression suddenly... _kind_. For a second Maura was catapulted back to another moment, when Jane had looked at her like this. All grimy-faced and with watery eyes. It had been the end of this awful afternoon at the collapsed building. How long ago had that happened? It still felt so fresh, so close.

"Let's do it then." Maura unclenched her numb fingers and gently embraced the back of Jane's head as much as possible. It would hurt anyway, cut in anyway. It was worth a try. Anyway.

"One-" A cough suddenly shook her and she reeled forward in surprise making the detective wince and cry out.

"I'm so sorry!", she stuttered hoarsely. "I forgot to breath in first. I think." Maura felt lightheaded and confused as she shook her head to clear the fog that was gathering at the edges of her vision.

"Let's try again", she muttered and then started counting more strongly: "One. Two. Three." Jane pushed up immediately and forceful. Her strength took Maura by surprise. Had this woman not seemed somehow lifeless just a second ago? But Maura was able to keep her hands close to Jane's head and stretched out her leg in time before the long, skinny body could slump back to the floor. Though the impact pushed Maura's knee all the way down to the ground.

A halfhearted "Yay!" left her mouth, before she carefully moved to push Jane up with her leg. It was a lot easier than she had imagined, since Jane was able to support most of her weight with her own legs. In the end the detective came to sit cross legged with her back to Maura, all of their hands trapped between them.

Maura could actually hear the annoyed '_And what now?' _in the grunt Jane made. She sounded pissed and Maura almost gave a frustrated sigh, but she had no right to be frustrated. Not with Jane at least.

She could tell that her friend had a hard time breathing properly. Jane's posture looked stiff and uncomfortable, and because of the close proximity they had to maintain, the detective's elbows dug into Maura's empty stomach. _Empty stomach, _Maura thought. _So at least four to five hours had passed, since we've had that pizza._

"We ate at my house...", the empty statement left her mouth before Maura could stop herself and she felt herself blush. She must seem ridiculous to the other woman, stating something so banal out of the blue. But she had a hard time untangling the memories that swept through her mind. She decided to push the thoughts away, they were of no avail. Once Jane was free of the gag, they would at least be able to discuss their situation. Maybe the detective knew something, maybe she remembered something.

_There was a plan. I had a plan. To free her._

"If you could scoot a little closer", Maura started, her voice even more hoarse as if she had been shouting for hours, „and turn your head to the side. I could try to get that tape off of you with my teeth." Jane gave a small "umph" at the suggestion, but complied and wriggled back, pushing further into Maura's smaller form, before she turned the right side of her face to her, which automatically forced Maura's arms to stretch out in the opposite direction.

"Okay, let's try this", Maura encouraged them both and lowered her lips to Jane's face. Sitting next to each other, Jane was almost half a head taller than Maura, so she had to duck a little as Maura lent in further until she could feel the smooth surface of the duct tape against her lips. She found one edge and started nibbling as careful as possible. Nothing. She moved to take a breath and felt for the edge again with her tongue. She'd have to scrape Jane's cheek too much, if she wanted to get her teeth under the tape.

Everything about this felt wrong. The glue of the tape tasted sweet in her mouth. Maybe she could loosen one edge, if she moistened it more. Jane's short breaths puffed against her temple. Maura tried to block out all thoughts about the strange thing she was doing. Her mind wandered back to the pizza instead. She didn't stop to look at her friend once, didn't want to prolong her discomfort. Maybe she should have looked at her.

* * *

It had been such a long day. Was it _still_ the same day? Not knowing wasn't an unfamiliar feeling at all. More often lately she got so wrapped up in work, that she didn't recognize the day as being the same, when she unlocked her front door in the evening just as she had locked it after leaving her house in the morning. But the time between those simple moments had stretched so much, that it didn't feel as familiar as something she had just done, just seen. It rather felt as if the season had changed, or as if she herself had changed so much, that she became a stranger intruding someone else's home.

Yes, and that day had been particularly long. But neither her nor Jane had been willing to go home alone after the events that had been exhausting on so many levels. She could still feel Jane's palm in her own, the way it had slipped into her hand so easily. And she had known... known something she couldn't name. And she didn't know if it was due to the situation they were in now or if she was incapable of expressing it altogether.

Jane had only left to take a shower and get some fresh clothes from her apartment and while Maura had done the same, she had also called their favorite pizza place and ordered the usual. It had felt good. A small routine in an abnormal day. But as clearly as Maura could picture the cherry tomatoes cut in half on her slice, she was met with... nothing really, when she tried to see past this meal.

* * *

The taste on her tongue suddenly changed from chemical sweet to salty. It took her brain a while to register the meaning.

"Jane!?" Maura's head shot back giving the other woman space, where there was almost none to give. Even in the dim light she could see the tracks of Jane's tears on her cheeks. Her eyes were closed.

"What is it?", Maura breathed. "Did I hurt you? Do you want me to stop?" After a while the detective shook her head in the slightest possible way.

"I think, I almost got one edge loose. I promise, I'll hurry." Maura felt tears sting her own eyes and got angry with herself for feeling so shaken. She was in the most comfortable situation here, she had to get a grip on herself.

She stretched her neck up to Jane's cheek again and continued to soften the gluey edge. When she finally got it between her teeth, she didn't dare to risk loosing it again, so she just gave a sigh as a sign that she'd start to rip it off of Jane's mouth. She tried to be quick and felt the woman in front of her stiffen even more until a loud gasp indicated she'd succeeded. It took Maura a while to spit the sticky paper out, before she turned again to look at her friend.

"You're bleeding", Maura pronounced without thinking and immediately felt bad about how little concern lay in that statement. It rather had sounded like some detached doctor stating the obvious to his patient after injecting a syringe. Jane rolled her eyes in response. _Good. She's still intact._ This thought shocked Maura even more and suddenly she hissed "Bastards!" in an attempt to both: Help Jane voice her anger and feel more alive herself. It worked. A tiny bit. Jane had chuckled.

The chain had cut deep into the corners of the detective's mouth and it would have done so anyway, but Maura knew that her improvidence before (and lack of knowledge of the absurd situation, but that sounded way too much like an excuse) had helped. A lot. The blood was pitch black in the barely lit room.

"I'm so sorry." Jane sighed and turned her head away from Maura. For a second Maura felt the urge to pull the other woman back to rest against her chest. She wanted to give the comfort she needed. But the chain stopped the movement, before she even tried.

"Should we try to pull it down?" No answer.

"It can't go up, it's too tight. It would not slip over your nose. You have to try to get your lower teeth under it, so I can pull it down." Maura suddenly felt her hands move up and down at the back of Jane's skull and knew that her friend was nodding. _It will hurt_, she added in her mind and closed her eyes briefly.

"Let's do it", she sighed. "I'm gonna pull now." And with that announcement Maura pulled her arms down along Jane's back. First slowly, but when Jane bent forward, probably in pain, and started whimpering again, she yanked it down with more strength and pressed out: "I'm sorry, it has to work!"

And it did. With a sudden jolt the chain and Maura's hands slipped around Jane's neck and the detective sagged back against Maura, taking her almost down with her. Maura sat up straight and tried to steel her back as she would do during yoga. She felt Jane panting as she carefully let her hands rest on Jane's shoulders. They were getting heavy and tired from holding up without pulling the chain.

After Jane had taken a few decent breaths, she whispered a "thanks" and Maura felt tears sting her eyes once more. A burden lifted. It had been scary to be with her and at the same time not to be... The detective had been ripped off something essential, one of the most important parts of her control. It had felt wrong, as if the advantage (which Maura hadn't chosen in the first place) had hurt her. As if _she_ had hurt her. _And maybe I did... she _had_ been crying..._

"Are you...", Maura cleared her aching throat, but it didn't help the raspy sound. "Are you alright?" It felt like an 'are we alright'.

"Mmh", was all Jane offered and then she sat up straight like before, forcing Maura to support her arms by herself again in order not to pull on the chain that was now dangling around her friend's neck.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Nobody had come for them, yet. Neither the good nor the bad guys. After some time of resting, sitting and panting together, Jane had tried to wipe her face clean of the blood and tears using her shoulders. She could sense that Maura tried to make her hands as unnoticeable as possible, maybe to give Jane the illusion of privacy while she was destroying any hard evidence of being tortured. _A chain in my mouth._ _Like a horse. Sick shit._

Jane felt sorry for Maura, hell, her own hands were burning and aching, but at least she didn't have to hold them up and motionless all the time so she wouldn't choke her best friend. 15 to 20 minutes had probably passed, since Maura had (literally) pulled Jane to consciousness.

And yet she couldn't bring herself to allow the doctor to lower her hands onto her shoulders. Not yet. She needed the distance. And somehow it made her angry. Knowing that Maura knew that she needed space and by giving space, by knowing really, another distance felt disturbed.

Yes, Maura knew her well, too well, and yet she only did what she felt _Jane_ needed. If her hands hurt, she would have to learn to ask... to _trust_ Jane that she could handle putting her own needs behind, if it meant for Maura to be in less pain.

_How could this woman know so much and be so stupid?_ How many times had she asked herself that question? Jane gave an incredulous snort. She could feel the frown of the woman behind her.

"Let's get up." It was the first sentence from Jane, since they had been trapped there. Maura complied willingly. She probably knew that Jane needed it to be her turn to lead.

There was nothing to find. The room was small and solid, no light switch, no supplies, no window. Jane felt for the door by pushing along the walls with her left shoulder. After a while she grazed the cold, smooth surface and muttered: "It's no use. Iron door."

"It's more likely steel", Maura replied, still unfamiliar raspy. Jane turned around, eyebrows raised as far up as possible. For the first time they stood face to face, Maura's hands now dangling in front of Jane's throat. It felt weird, but having the doctor in her back all the time didn't feel better. Jane glanced towards her friends hands. _Were they trembling?_ The cuffs clasped them tightly together and Maura had curled her fingers into fists. She couldn't tell.

When she looked up again, Maura's eyes lingered on her hands as well. Jane couldn't interpret the doctor's expression, but it didn't look good._ Distract her_, she thought.

"How would you know that?" She caught a flicker of confusion in Maura's gaze, before the woman remembered the statement she had given a moment ago.

"Well", the doctor began and Jane felt her heart jump at the familiar sound of a Maura-explanation, "based on the humidity and the smell down here the room appears to be in a basement. And if the door is metal, it is more likely to be steel." The woman had to stop her rambling and coughed twice, before she continued almost voiceless: "Steel doors are the most effective fireproof doors and often used in basements."

Jane rolled her eyes at that. "Thank you, Maura. It's really important to me that I know, what _kind_ of metal is hindering me from breaking down this door." She almost didn't notice Maura wince, before the doctor turned her head to study the ground. _Well done, Rizzoli._

"Come on", she tried more gentle now. "Let's sit back down." They moved to a wall and slid down next to each other. Maura pulled up her knees to let her elbows rest on top. Her hands lent lightly against Jane's right shoulder, the chain almost didn't pull.

"I remember eating pizza, but nothing after that." Maura's croaky voice was still barely above a whisper. Jane wondered, whether the other woman felt the need to say something relevant after Jane's rebuff.

"Me too, Maura. And in case we've been drugged, I'm never gonna order mushroom pizza again." It was supposed to sound light, reassuring even, but earned nothing but silence from the doctor.

"Your throat is sore?", Jane tried casually and felt Maura nod beside her.

"Maybe I had some kind of reaction to the tranquilizer they used."

"So many assumptions in one sentence-" Jane shook her head, but more at herself. She couldn't stop teasing and continued to cut her friend off.

"Wanna play A to Z?", she proposed instead. She didn't expect Maura to say yes, but when she did, Jane marked her surprise as excitement.

"How does one play it?", Maura asked after agreeing.

"Someone chooses a topic and we take turns naming things from A to Z. You wanna choose?"

"Okay, let's see... Chemical elements."

Jane snorted in return. "Pff. _Seriously_?"

"Fashion labels."

"Na-ah. No way."

"Parts of the body."

"Forget it."

"Football players."

"Ye- haha, Maura. Very funny."

"We don't have that much in common", Maura said matter-of-factly.

"What!?" Jane sounded offended. "I'll tell you what we have in common... Names of perps, or murder weapons, or crimes in general, or... somehow I don't wanna play anymore."

She got a chuckle out of Maura that ebbed away in a shaky sigh. While distracting her friend might be a good thing, Jane would also have to be more sensitive. It was a delicate situation to say the least. She didn't want to force her coping mechanism on the doctor.

"Seriously, isn't there any topic outside of work?", Jane asked incredulously.

"Of course there is", Maura said. "It just might not be fitting your game."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, enjoying each others company, feeling at ease around each other, protecting each other... they're not fitting categories, but we do have that in common." Jane wasn't one to easily blush, but now she could feel a sudden rush of blood shooting up to her ears, brought on by Maura's words. Her hands suddenly started tingling as well, so she carefully wiggled her fingers to help the blood flow. It made her glance towards Maura's hands again.

"You should move them a bit, doctor." Maura winced and slowly lifted her hands from Jane's shoulder, even though there was nowhere to go. Jane wondered, if she shouldn't have used that title.

„Am I hurting you?"

"What? No! I mean so they don't fall asleep."

"Oh, okay. Well, I don't really feel them anymore."

"No?"

"The circulation of the blood is already compromised because of the cuffs, plus I kept my arms horizontally the whole time. The hands are quite empty of fluid now."

"You should've said something earlier."

"I really want to give you space, Jane, but I can't", Maura sighed, ignoring or missing Jane's point. "I'm literally closely connected to you", she tried to joke.

"Ugh", Jane grimaced and ordered: "Get up!"

Though before Maura had a chance to follow, the door was suddenly being pushed open and a blinding white light flooded the room. None of them had heard their captors coming. Jane couldn't see anything, but made out many feet that echoed in the room they were coming from. She pushed herself off the wall and wriggled in front of Maura.

"Nice to see you up, detective Rizzoli", a man said, a smirk audible in his voice. Jane couldn't place it immediately, but as she squinted against the bright lights, she made out a silhouette that helped her memory.

"Councilman Deluth." She tried not to grit her teeth too much. "This is gonna end even worse than I thought for you."

"Says the lady cuffed in a basement."

"What do you think you're doing!?", Jane fumed. As her eyes adjusted to the intense light, she carefully took in the scene without moving her head. She counted five men altogether, two at the door, two leaning against the opposite wall, and the councilman.

"Oh, _I_ am doing nothing. But you're going to stop investigating and you're going to help me put everything you have on me in the farthest and darkest corner your police department's basement holds."

"Bite me!", Jane shot back and felt Maura flinch behind her, felt the chain scrape against her throat as she expected one of his thugs to strike out in response. The blow didn't come. Instead the councilman crouched down in front of her, making her instinctively pull up her knees, which he still almost touched. He then spoke softly: "Do as I say and I'll let you go."

"You must take me for pretty damn easy, if you think I'd-" _both, take you on your word or would ever betray my job like that, _Jane wanted to say, but the man cut her off: "It has worked before. You need to understand, I've gathered a lot of experience. I just know what strings to pull or to cut. I have my eyes and my hands everywhere."

Jane frowned. She couldn't fight. Not with her hands tied behind her back, not with Maura attached to her neck. Not with words. This man was sure of his power.

"You still don't know what I'm talking about, do you?" He didn't wait for Jane to shake her head. Feeling correctly appraised by him made her furious. "You're not in control anymore. I know everything about you. I've got everything on your mother Angela-" Mentioning the name felt like squeezing her heart. "Or your brothers, Francesco and Thomas. Or your baby nephew Thomas Jr. You wouldn't want them to get hurt, hm? See that little boy disappear right from under their noses?"

"You bastard!" Jane was incapable of suppressing the hiss.

"Tsk. I haven't started, detective. I will, if you continue to deny me the corporation I proposed." At that, Jane heard Maura give an incredulous laugh and immediately Deluth's eyes shifted to the doctor.

"But as long as you decide", he continued obliviously, even as Jane moved to the side to block his view, "I am eager to demonstrate what I'm talking about on this precious relationship you have going on here." With this he first gave a short nod in Maura's direction and afterwards another one to the men, who were guarding the door.

They never would have been able to prepare for what was coming. In an instant they were brutally shoved apart, the chain still attached to Jane's neck and Maura's hands.

More than just one pair of hands grabbed Jane by the legs and upper body and violently pulled her away from Maura, until she came to lie flat on her stomach struggling to stop the yanking on the chain around her neck, to scoot closer to the other woman again. A strangled cry escaped her throat, which was answered by a shove to the back of her head. It sent her nose first into the concrete and left her momentarily stunned. Her mind tried to wrap itself around something Maura had said. Something about concrete and cement, steel and iron.

She was trying to suck in some air between gritted teeth, barely convincing her body that she succeeded. When her vision cleared she let her gaze follow the direction the chain pulled. They had pushed Maura down as well. She was on her back in front of her, completely enabled to move by a man sitting on her legs. Even though her cuffed hands lay merely an inch away from Jane's head, either of them was able to close the excruciating distance they were forced to keep.

Jane found Maura's eyes, the sight struck her: They were glistening with despair and determination.

"Don't give them anything", Maura pressed out and Jane knew her friend had just ordered her to keep her mouth shut.

* * *

**Please let me know what you think. The next chapter is almost done :)  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter probably should be M. Trigger warning ...**

* * *

Chapter Three

The end of Maura's sentence was stopped by a large palm covering most of her face. _Don't give them anything_, she'd said. _What was she preparing for?_

She had two man guarding her, one to each side, that were completely unnecessary, since she'd already be immobilized by the guy on top of her and her hands, useless and overstretched, were held in place by Jane's neck.

Jane glanced up at the man, who was straddling the doctor. She too was incapable of moving anything but her head sideways along the rough concrete floor, pushed down by hands she couldn't see the owners of. The guy above Maura gave Jane a smirk before he looked down towards her friend. She followed his gaze to were he slowly started drawing small circles on Maura's legs.

"Fuck off!" It contained everything she wanted it to: the deepest fury and disgust she was capable of. "Get your _fucking_ hands off of her! FUCK OFF!" She could tell Maura's eyes were searching hers, and for some reason the doctor wanted to shush her. It left her boiling with rage. She simply had to try. She _had_ to.

"Don't you dare! I will kill you son of a bitch. All of you!", Jane growled and tried to get the door into view, but she couldn't move far enough. She couldn't see, if the councilman had left or stayed around to watch. And she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of crying out to him. Especially if he might not even be there.

Maura remained still, calm even. _Frightening calm._ And then it hit her. Maura couldn't fight... _wouldn't_ fight, if it meant she'd strangle Jane in the process.

"No!", Jane blurted out at the realization and suddenly became aware that the chain was in fact cutting off her airway slightly. Undisturbed the jerk's hand travelled underneath Maura's waistband and unbuttoned her pants before it slid in deeper.

"NO!", Jane shouted again and started tossing and turning as forceful as possible. "This is not gonna happen!" _Not like this. Not. Ever._

A quick and sharp pull on her legs and her airway closed fully. As she desperately tried to fill her lungs, she just ended up coughing and gasping for nothing.

A couple of moments passed before they loosened their grip on her legs and she was able to move closer towards Maura's hands again. Exhausted and unfocused she let the side of her face rest against the cool floor, panting, blankly staring at Maura's blue fingers. _Maura_.

Maura had asked her not to fight with words, hadn't she? Neither of them could fight with fists... so she had to figure out, which fight her friend had chosen instead (_there was one, right?_) and stand with her.

Now Maura started coughing and the assailant withdrew his hand from her face, looking slightly disgusted. Out came a gargling sound, before the doctor gasped for air herself and got overwhelmed by another coughing fit right after. Once again Jane tried to crawl closer in order to loosen the restraints.

When she heard another gasp for air, louder this time, maybe even close to a whimper, she found Maura shaking her head ever so slightly and then focus on the ceiling. Her lips were pressed into a thin line and she was rapidly breathing through her nose.

Jane's stomach dropped. This was so wrong. She felt bile rise in her throat and forced herself to concentrate back on Maura's face. The other woman didn't blink, didn't crumble, just blankly stared straight ahead. Had she shut down? What in god's name did she want Jane to do? Where was she supposed to stand, if there was no sight of a person inside that woman anymore?

And what about herself? Right now, she was nothing but an accomplice helping them to pin her down. She could try again to pull the doctor out of the guy's reach, but she'd strangle herself, which was the reason why Maura didn't move an inch in the first place, wasn't it? _What is wrong with her? Shouldn't she do _anything_ to fight in this kind of situation? Wouldn't I?_

But Jane was not in Maura's position. She didn't know. She had a hunch on what she'd do, though.

The man moved again and caught Jane's attention. He cupped Maura's left breast, stroking it gut wrenching tenderly. And then she saw it. Maura's pupils were blown almost completely black. Jane knew what that meant and suddenly she knew where Maura stood. She _was_ fighting: Her own body.

Maura was being assaulted and that itself was brutal and violent and nauseating. But the guy had been gentle all along. He made her respond to his touch in a way that was beyond Maura's control. _That's what all of this is about_, Jane thought bitterly. _He's ripping us of our control._

But Maura was fighting. She was fighting not to give the bastards the pleasure of seeing her response. Jane looked for more signs. Maura's unblinking death stare scared the hell out of her, but as she examined her friend's face, she noticed Maura was biting her inner cheek and was swallowing hard against whatever emotion had got stuck in her throat.

And hell yes, Jane was going to stand with her. So she kept her mouth shut and bored her eyes into Maura's skull, cleaning her face of any emotion. It felt good actually, or at least _better_. Something to concentrate on, somewhere to escape to.

* * *

Maura's back arched only once, away from the ground and closer to the man above her. The guy withdrew his hand and gently patted her thigh. "Alright then", he said, his voice lacking of any emotion. She had kept her mouth shut, but the breaths through her nose came loud and short.

The man even took the time to rebutton her pants. When the pressure on her legs finally disappeared, she fought the urge to pull them up and curl into a ball.

"Let's get you out of the restraints", someone spoke, but Maura couldn't register the meaning of the words. The fumbling on the chain hurt. Her wrists were chafed, her arms tired and heavy. With a small click the lock sprang open.

She heard a sigh of relief as the metal was shoved off her wrists and pulled away from her, but couldn't tell if it was her own or someone else's.

"Your turn", the voice returned, but no one came to touch her again.

Another click, then a sharp hiss that made her flinch once and the banging of the door once more. The men disappeared as fast as they had come. When their captors were gone, so was the light.

"Maura?" The deep, insecure voice sounded like Jane's and at the same time... not. She felt something brush against her side that made her shiver.

"Maura,", more decisive this time, "let's sit you up."

"Can't move...", she mumbled and it was true. Her arms only trembled, but didn't comply.

"Let me?" Gentle now.

She felt something cover her hands. _Did she nod her permission? _She knew the feeling. As if someone had injected her hands and arms with anesthetics. She could feel and yet couldn't.

Jane moved Maura's arms down to each side, slowly, carefully, and suddenly the detective reeled towards her, the ground away from her even quicker and the darkness, or something bright, something blinding either way, was closing in.

"Maura!" Someone was shaking her.

"Maura!?" Someone was tapping her cheek.

"Maura!" Someone was speaking so forceful.

"What?", she exhaled, half curious, half annoyed. Her face was covered in cold sweat, she barely could hold her eyes open.

"You passed out on me." _Jane_. What was that tinge in her tone? No sarcasm, no kindness. _Fear_.

"I'm alright", she reassured before taking the time to assess her body's condition. "My blood circuit was probably overwhelmed by the sudden release and movement of my hands." She saw Jane give a small nod, looking not relieved at all.

"S'better now?", the detective slurred.

"Give them a moment. The feeling will return", Maura soothed. _Who's body parts are we talking about?_

"Do you want to sit up?"

_Not really._

"Please", was what she answered. Jane's frown didn't go unnoticed. Had her friend caught the lie? Whatever the case was, she took Maura gently by the shoulders and helped her into a sitting position against the wall. She didn't keep her hands on Maura a moment longer than nescessary, or so it seemed, and settled down next to her.

Maura felt her face involuntarily crumble with pain before she started swaying. Jane almost didn't catch her in time to keep her from colliding with the concrete floor again. The detective had grabbed the fabric of her shirt and now pulled Maura back against her. Jane snuck one arm around Maura's front to hold her in place.

"Better?", she asked. Maura panted. It didn't help.

"Turn me over", she breathed, but Jane just slipped out from behind to look at her face, confusion written all over her own.

"Turn me... Now!", Maura ordered, on edge. This time Jane followed and carefully flipped her over until she was facing the ground. She started retching right away.

"Oh Maura...", the detective mumbled and shifted to give a better support to the heaving body. She held back Maura's hair with her left and encircled the chest and arms with her right hand. Agonizing waves after waves rippled through Maura's body like jolts of electricity. The bile stung her already sore throat and brought water to her eyes until everything was blurred. When she started to dry heave, she also started coughing violently and wondered what else wanted to come out. Every burst pounded painfully in her forehead. Cold crept up her feet all the way to her neck and continued shaking her weakened form.

Jane then carefully flipped her over and sat her up again. This time she supported Maura's back by one of her knees. Maura welcomed the warmth radiating from her friend's body, which was a lot better than one of the stone walls. She kept her mouth shut, trying to fight the urge to ease the scraping in her throat. Slowly the coughs subsided.

"I'm sorry", she rasped.

"Never mind", Jane answered, trying to sound jauntily. "I already held a grudge against that pizza anyway." She then tucked her arms under Maura's and pulled her up to guide her to the other side of the chamber. Maura felt weirdly weightless and so did the short moment. It seemed right and easy, being held like this. She instinctively grasped Jane's shirt to hold on tight as they sat back down, so Jane was forced to place herself between Maura and the wall. _Am I? Forcing her?_

As if she had heard Maura, Jane gently loosened the grip on her shirt. "You were right, you had the feeling back in no time."

"Only one vomit later."

"Nice one, Maura", Jane commented, but didn't laugh.

"Why would they let us take off the restraints?", Maura mumbled, unsure if she really wanted to know, or if she even wanted to talk at all.

"Why would they do any of this to us...", Jane mumbled back, staring at where Maura knew the door was hiding in the shadows.

"This is different." Maura was searching her friend's eyes and came across the angry, deep purple mark in the shape of chain links that had already formed on the deathly pale skin of the detective's throat. She felt her eyes water. _How much longer? How much more- _Then she swallowed.

"It is different. It's actually _helpful_. Does it mean the first part of the test is over or that they're through with us or-"

"-or maybe there is no reason", Jane cut her rambling off. Her eyes were still fixed on that invisible spot.

"You're right", Maura whispered and swallowed once more. "It does not help to consider the inconsiderable." She wished, she could take that bad. It had sounded like a bad advertisement slogan. Maybe for a hair-growth product. But Jane had not responded. And that was what frightened her more than anything.

* * *

**Well, this is as far as it goes on the sexual assault, sorry if it was too much already... Are you still with me?**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

„What are you doing?"

"Processing. What are _you_ doing?" It sounded accusative.

"Trying not to." Maura had moved away from Jane some time ago. Not far, she didn't want to indicate that she needed to be alone, but far enough so they wouldn't touch. Another couple of moments passed before she spoke up again.

"Look", she tried to steady her voice, "we know the councilman is trying to weaken you by showing that he is in control..."

"Right now, he _is_ in control."

"All I'm saying is: This is a mind game..."

"A mind game?", Jane's question came out all cynical and angry, maybe more than she had intended. She had put emphasis on both, the _mind_ and the _game. _"That bastard there sexually assaulted you, Maura!", she growled and her voice broke at the doctor's name. It made both woman flinch noticeably. Jane seemed almost shocked by her own outburst and at the same time happy that Maura had showed some response to what had just happened.

Maura felt more blood leave her head, if that was even possible. When Jane broke eye contact, searching the ground for something, anything, she followed a sudden impulse and shoved her knee into the detective's leg. A little hard. It felt good and awful altogether. Jane flinched again and looked back up at her, vision blurred, startled.

"I was _right_ there", Maura pressed out, though her voice still didn't waver. "I know, what he did and I wish..." She swallowed. "I wish I could take it back."

„Take it back?", Jane asked, anger boiling visibly under the surface. "Rewind it, reverse it – there are plenty of ways to say it – but _take it back_? That sounds way too much as if _you_ have been doing something, not like something has been done _to_ you. It sounds like an argument gone wrong and nothing more."

Now Maura was the one to study the ground, trying to keep it together. She almost expected a shove by Jane's knee.

"I'm sorry, Maura", the detective sighed without wasting aother minute. "Maura, please look at me." She did. "I am truly sorry. For what I just said, but especially for what that man did to you. Tell me what I can do. Tell me what you are feeling."

_Sometimes I don't feel that much._

"You are right, Maura. To him this is a ga- some fucked up game. But we cannot give him the satisfaction of having us played off against each other. Or anything worse."

And then, "I'm on your side."

_Sometimes I just don't know what to feel. Or how._

"I have seen so many assault victims. You have, too. Probably even more than me and probably a lot closer. I know what kind of damage... I _know_. It doesn't mean no one comes back from that."

_Sometimes_.

"I'm sorry, Maura, I'm overwhelmed. I didn't mean to give you a speech. I didn't want to sound suggestive, too... sorry." Jane's eyes found her's.

_And sometimes I do know._

"I can't give in now. Not right now. Not here. I... I don't know what is too much-", her own sob cut her off as Jane reached for her and pulled her into a bone crushing hug.

"Shhhh", the detective soothed. "It is _never_ too much. Do you hear me?" Her hands rubbed Maura's back, but she didn't ease the embrace, didn't let go. Didn't let her go. "It will never be too much."

_How can she know? _

_She is waiting. She is waiting for me to calm down. _

But she didn't let go, even as Maura swallowed her tears and pushed away slightly to tell her she didn't have to... she didn't let go.

"I won't get tired. I won't leave."

_We're trapped._

"And I know you don't know what that feels like."

_What is she talking about?_

"Maura?"

_Yes?_

"Do you hear me?"

_What am I supposed to say?_

"Most of the time you are the most put together person I know. You try to send all your feelings through that huge brain of yours. That's how you learned to do it. But you've changed a lot, since we met. You let things come close now. You let _me_ come close. But in order to do that, to let the good things in, you gave up your shield... and other feelings came as well." Jane pulled Maura away from her gently, but her hands stayed on both sides of Maura's upper arms.

Maura was slightly wheezing and wondered if the detective could hear it, too. Her voice was low and raspy as she spoke again. "Sometimes it hurts so much... I can hurt so much. It never did before..." A single tear slid down her cheek and Maura's head followed as if the tear was heavy enough to pull it down.

Jane carefully lifted Maura's chin with two fingers. "I know. I know, but it's a good thing-"

"How can you even say that?" It wasn't an angry question at all. It came out like a question of a curious child. A question for the root of evil. A question of how bad things happening to people could ever be processable. bearable. justifiable. Could ever be anything but destroying.

"You are looking for the right answer. You always are."

_Kind eyes, kind voice. Yes, sometimes I have a hunch what the answer looks like, sounds like._

"It doesn't exist, Maura. The good things ahead of you, ahead of us, will not come instead of anything that's hard and hurting. But the good things _will_ come. They come despite everything else. And they will make everything worth it. And in order to live through that, you have to-"

"-feel", Maura finished and a cough shook her. "Feel through it", she whispered and glanced down again. She knew that. She had known that before.

"Yes", Jane said and Maura couldn't bring herself to look up again. She felt so naive.

"Maura?" She couldn't fight that sound, though. She had to... There was no smirk, no satisfaction, nothing instructive in Jane's features. Only pure and honest understanding. Maura felt warm, finally.

"I just never know, how much I am supposed to ask for." Jane wanted to interrupt her, but Maura waved her away. Her voice was steady again, no fear, no hurt evident. She knew Jane would tell her she was 'supposed' to ask for what she needed, for as much as she needed.

"I always try to compare myself to other people... to you mostly. How much love you give to your mother, your brothers... how close you let them come. And I try to mirror that, I try to get a feeling for how much I'm supposed to give, how much I'm supposed to ask for."

She had fixed her eyes on the wall behind Jane. The other woman didn't say anything. It helped.

"But I seem to be off base again and again..."

"You're not. That Hope rejected you was never on you, you hear me? You know that. You were the most sensitive, careful person in that encounter. Hell, I would have just blurted out: 'Hi mom! I'm your long dead daughter!' _You_ didn't. You didn't overstep anything. It hasn't been fair."

"When I saw you this afternoon with the baby and Angela and as they wheeled detective Frost and Tommy into the ambulance, I-" She felt her cheeks flush with heat even more. "I wanted- I wanted that for myself. It amazes me the way you fight for your family, what you would do for them... I had to..." The heat was almost unbearable now.

"Maura?" Testing now. "What did you do?"

"I promised her...", her voice broke.

"You promised Hope your kidney, didn't you?" Maura nodded, but suddenly felt confused and so... dizzy. Jane reached out and cupped her cheek and she immediately leaned into the cool relief.

"Maura!?" She opened her eyes- when had she closed them?

"Maura- you're burning up!" Maura just coughed in response.

As unannounced and unexpected as before the door was shoved open again and Jane quickly let her hand drop before she moved in front of the coughing and wheezing Maura.

"It seems the doctor caught it, too." It was the councilman's voice, though Maura wasn't sure whom he was talking to. She couldn't see properly, the same white light flooded the room like before, though this time it seemed to change intensity as if someone was playing with its dimmer. Was she swaying?

"Caught what?"

_Good. At least Jane is cutting into the conversation. Knows what to say. Always. _And she was steadying her, a hand on Maura's kneeling legs.

"There seem to be some kind of toxic elements or fungus, I wasn't really paying attention."

_The councilman. He's explaining something, isn't he?_

"A couple of people were brought to the hospital yesterday evening. Caught acute pneumonia."

_Yesterday evening? That long ago already..._

"I came to check, if one of you developed any of the symptoms."

"You're kidding right?"

"I never do. Tell me, you've come to a decision yet?"

Maura couldn't tell, who was talking anymore. Her eyes, her mouth... everything was dry, sand paper like. The cold crept back in as well.

_Must be that open door._

"There's nothing to decide, Deluth. You're in deep shit and even if you do have people out there, dirty cops or I don't know who, there are enough people I trust, enough people to bring you down."

The deep growl made Maura shiver. The following silence her teeth clatter.

"Well, Rizzoli, you hang in there."

_Footsteps. Freezing._

"Let's see how long your girl lasts without medical attention."

_Darkness. So cold._

"Maura, honey?" Suddenly Jane was all around her. Knees under her, body at her side, palm against her head, long curls ghosting over her nose. She was shaking her head. At her?

"What is it?", Maura asked at a loss. Jane half sighed, half chuckled, then her expression changed.

"Why didn't I catch it? Is it possible? That you inhaled something?"

"Sorry?"

Jane pushed some strands of hair from Maura's forehead. "Didn't you hear what he said?"

"What'd he say?" Her eyes grew so heavy.

"Never mind", Jane whispered. "Try to rest now." There wasn't much else Maura felt capable of.

* * *

An eerie sound woke her and she blinked against the darkness. It was a dry rustle, that started slowly and increased faster and faster into a horrifying buzz. Much time couldn't have passed, since Jane had told her to close her eyes and lowered Maura into her lap. She felt drowsy, barely orientated.

The sound was close. Had Jane dozed off as well? Why wasn't moving? Why didn't she say something? Maura felt too weak to change her position, too sore to speak herself. Instead she weakly pinched Jane's thigh. To warn her. If only she knew of what. If only the sound stopped paralyzing her brain.

And suddenly she found it, well hidden in the dark, merely ten feet from where she was lying. They stared at each other. She felt light headed, the quickened beat of her heart throbbed painfully in her chest. She had watched scenes of an angrily rattling snake like that a hundred times on TV, she even recognized the snake's pattern.

_Crotalus enyo_,_ if I'm correct. Not common in Boston at all. _It had given her chills before, but this... there was no comparison to the feeling. Death _simply_ felt near by.

The snake came closer. _What am I supposed to do?_

Closer. _As if it's sucking out my knowledge..._

Ever closer. _That's it! I'm hallucinating. I have a fever._

It stopped. _Delirium._

It curled up. _Still there?_

It was getting ready to fight. _ Looks so real._

Its head wavered slightly in the air, it seemed furious. Its tongue shot out greedily, almost into Maura's face. When the rattling tail grew even faster and the threatening sound louder, the snake's head started flying back and forth hectically, as if it was considering where to bite her. She knew it would happen any moment now. Her face would probably swell into an unrecognizable condition. She'd black out from the poison quickly. Without medical attention she wouldn't stand a chance.

And then a shadow hit her face and her eyes darted upwards as far as possible. Jane's voice came out low, calm even: "Don't turn your head, don't move, don't even blink." Maura's hand dug deeper into her friend's thigh, hard enough to bruise, but she obeyed.

* * *

**Sorry guys, a small cliff here. I'll update soon, I promise. **


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Jane's raised arm seemed to have caught the reptile's attention. It stretched its neck higher into the air, getting longer and longer. Half a second later her slender hand was between Maura's face and the snake's head. There it remained still and shielded the doctor.

While its twitching tail continued with the dreadful rattling, the snake once more tried to get higher and started hissing as if it noticed that its prey had changed. Jane did not withdraw. Her hand stayed still and steady like a stone. It did not even shake.

And then the snake hit her, quick and hard. It jabbed her hand like a knife, the teeth digging into her flesh, but she had tried to be prepared for that and fought not to flinch. As half of her hand disappeared between the animal's wide jaw, she used the other one to grab the rattle snake behind its head and squeezed.

„What the- Jane!", Maura choked out, all the while sneaking out under Jane's outstretched arms and the desperately tossing snake. They raised to their feet simultaneously, though Maura stumbled and had to steady herself on one of the walls, knees shaking.

"WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT!?", Jane yelled, adrenaline and fear coursing through her body like shattering glass. The long body of the snake wound around her arm, before it untangled itself again and lashed its rattling tail through the air, almost hitting Jane's face.

„HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW!?", Maura tried to yell back, but her voice lacked of any tone. Nevertheless it sounded furious and anxious, though she barely seemed capable of finding the strength to move towards Jane. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO HOLD THAT MONSTER!"

"YEAH, BUT THEY NEVER KILL THEM ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL!" Suddenly Jane staggered and finally Maura found her way over to help steady Jane by pushing her hands under Jane's shaking arms.

"Any suggestions?" The yelling had stopped. Jane knew her eyes were pleading with Maura's and the doctor's mind. Her own refused to think past the awfully rattling beast in her hand. Her eyes darted towards the animal, around the chamber and back to her friend.

"Smash its head against the wall", Maura suddenly offered and Jane felt relieved and disappointed at the same time. She took a step closer to the dark concrete. Maura didn't let go, which felt good. As Jane took a deep breath though, her vision tunneled and she found herself swaying into the black stone in front of her. The arm holding the snake slumped to her side.

"Nonononono!", Maura commanded, coughing the words out and grabbed Jane's wrist to push her fist and the still hissing snake up again.

"Don't let go, yet", Maura soothed as Jane leant her forehead against the cool surface of the wall. "Let's do it together. On three." Jane barely nodded in response.

On three Jane had gathered all her strength to strike out as violently as possible and Maura immediately joined the forceful thrust into the concrete. It was rewarded with a sickening thud of the snake's skull being crushed.

A whining noise slipped out of Jane's throat as she slowly opened her fist to the liquid leaking reptile's head. Maura caught it and threw it into the direction of the door, where it disappeared in the dark. Jane heard the doctor cursing under her breath. Her legs gave out as the other woman pushed her cold palm against Jane's neck. She felt weak and nauseous.

"You need to calm down", Maura wheezed, barely sounding calm herself, when she crouched down in front of Jane. "So the poison works slower..."

Though her hand was throbbing violently, she couldn't feel the doctor's touch upon her skin as Maura took the already badly swollen fist into her own hands. She actually felt more curious than shocked as she watched it grow even further before her eyes.

"Hold it still", Maura ordered and put the swollen limb down in Jane's lap. Her body blurred in front of Jane's eyes and then disappeared, before she could hear fists pounding against steal – yes, she hadn't forgotten what it was made of – and a desperate voice crying for help.

* * *

She didn't hear the door open.

Or the shocked gasps.

And Maura's confused and relieved and scared questions.

The paramedics that came to take her.

And the sirens that wailed all the way to the emergency center.

People talking in the hallways that were overcrowded by patients from the collapsed building.

Nurses shouting orders.

And Korsak answering questions for the patient's history.

But then she heard Maura, scared, _terrified, _screaming nonsense. Someone pushed something over and instruments clattered to the ground, making her jump.

Then the cries subsided. Either from the blackout she couldn't fight, or because Maura had been taken away.

* * *

"Jane! Jane? Can you hear me?"

"Korsak?"

"Hey there."

"Wha-"

"We pulled you out of that basement. You were bitten by a snake. Thank god Dr. Isles recognized that creature. They injected you the antitoxin and are treating you with fluids and antibiotics right now."

Jane followed his gaze towards the IV bag that was dangling from a metal post next to the hospital bed she lay in. It zoomed in and out of focus.

"You've been out of it for almost an hour. That's not much given a bite from a rattle snake." He sighed heavily.

"We caught the guys, too. They've been quite a handful. Never thought we'd have problems with the Palmer pack again. Thought we scared them away last time. Jane? Jane, you're still there?"

"M'not sure. S'op shuckeling."

"Oh, I'm not chuckling. It's not funny at all. The doc's condition is serious. Frost is with her, but she won't let anyone close, so-"

"Maura..."

"Yes, she's caught pneumonia. A lot of people have. The building's cement was-"

"Where!" It came out as an order, not as a question. Jane's legs already hit the ground, though she would have collapsed, if it wasn't for Korsak.

"Easy, Jane. You need to-"

"Where!?", she barked. She was still wearing her black pants and tank top, only someone had pushed a hospital gown on top. It was not even tied at her back and hung loosely from her shoulders now, held in place only by the sling that supported Jane's left arm.

"Alright, alright. Let me get you a wheel ch-"

"NOW!", Jane growled and grabbed her superior by his collar.

And Korsak gave in.

Jane frowned at all the people that were lining the walls of the long, cream colored hospital hallway. Some of them were coughing violently, some squatting on the floor, some waiting impatiently. She was aware of their stare, their curiosity. Korsak had to support most of her weight and all the while he was struggling not to loose her IV that was rolling behind them on its post.

She caught her reflection in the glass of one of the big landscape paintings to her right. Like a ghost walking by.

As they turned around the next corner Jane expected Maura's voice to zone in, just as it had zoned out before she'd lost consciousness. It didn't.

"She's in there", Korsak announced, though he had no free finger to point at the correct door. A male nurse suddenly pushed by and rushed into the room ten feet in front of them. Through the slim window Jane could make out many backs, a lot of bent forward white and blue coats.

She pushed away from Korsak and stumbled through the door herself. The IV post hit the door frame. Everybody turned to look at her, stopping in the midst of their fight.

_Fight_.

The word fueled Jane as she took in Maura's form, lying on her side on the ground, writhing in sheer terror. One doctor had captured Maura's wrists and two nurses were trying to secure her struggling legs.

Within a second Jane was at her side, though she didn't kneel down. Instead she punched the doctor, who was grabbing her friend's wrists, right in the face. Hard. He stumbled backwards and came to land on his bottom. The other two nurses backed off immediately as well.

Her anger was raw and made everything ache. She had seen too many insensitive people in her life and in her work. The newly found energy, adrenaline pumping through her veins, caused her to act before she was able to make any conscious decisions.

She pulled the needle of her IV out and grabbed the metal post with both hands. She then swung it into the air using it as a weapon and a shield while she was standing over Maura, one leg on each side.

"Get out!", Jane gritted through her teeth. "Everybody. Now!"

"The detective is right." It was the male nurse that had passed them in the hall. "Give them some space."

"Yeah, right. Now that the other delusional woman is in here as well, we can all go home", the doctor snorted, who had taken the punch. Jane shot him a furious glance and pointed the IV post at him. He automatically raised his hands to calm her.

"Come on folks", Korsak tried as well. "Detective Rizzoli can handle the situation."

"Sure", the annoying doctor muttered, but got up and followed his team out of the room. The nurse that had spoken in their favor closed the door behind everyone and turned around, his back preventing anyone from peeking through the slim window. He raised his eyebrows at Jane and she nodded, giving him the permission to stay.

Maura had stopped tossing, when Jane had moved above her. Her face was flushed and tear stained, her hands shaking. She still wore the same clothes she had put on after the shower the day Deluth's building had collapsed. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

Jane grabbed her friend by the shoulders and moved Maura in front of her, just like she had done back in that basement. Maura brought a shaky hand to press against her lips, desperately trying to regain control. It took Jane everything not to crush her friend into herself, not to get desperate herself. The protection she could offer felt too damn small.

„Maura, they're gone. You're safe now." It didn't matter, whether she was talking about their captors or the hospital staff. The difference was hard to feel for.

"Something's not right", Maura rasped in an unrecognizable voice. "Jane, it-it's not right."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's not. Can't be. We're not..." Her voice trailed off and she gazed around the room as if she noticed the change of location for the first time.

„You are delirious", Jane mumbled more to herself as she looked into Maura's glassy eyes.

„No! I thought that, too!", Maura shot back fiercely. "When that snake came closer... I thought it was the fever. It's not, Jane. It's _not_. Something is wrong. You have to believe me!"

„This is different, Maur. We're in the hospital now, not in the basement anymore. You're safe. You haven't had anything to drink or eat for 20 hours, you caught pneumonia, you're exhausted. Please let them help you!"

And then, "Don't you trust me?"

Something suddenly changed in Maura's eyes. After a moment she reached out for Jane's shoulder and pulled herself into a sitting position. Jane supported her friend's back with her free hand and then nodded towards the nurse.

As the man stepped closer he spoke softly, "Let me run you an IV. You need fluids and antibiotics. So do you, detective", he added as they carefully helped Maura up and guided her to the abandoned hospital bed. Jane waved her arm in the sling and said "See, they helped me, too" as if the doctor still needed convincing, but Maura didn't talk anymore.

_She must be utterly exhausted, _Jane thought. She helped the other woman to get comfortable and moments later the nurse already injected a needle into the back of Maura's hand. He adjusted the drip and then asked Jane to sit in the chair next to the bed, so he could fix her IV as well.

She had closed her eyes merely a second, when another rattling shocked her out of her reverie. It wasn't the sight of a snake that greeted her, but Maura and it brought her back on her feet in an instant. The smaller woman was tossing violently, eyes closed, fingers cramped into claws.

"What's happening!", Jane demanded. "Why is she seizing!?" Frantically she searched the nurse's eyes. The guy gave her a smirk.

"Greetings from Deluth", he spat, waving an empty syringe in his hand.

* * *

**Please take the time to leave a review - it really helps :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you guys for all the kind words you found. It probably takes me twice as long as a native speaker to write a chapter in English and still can't be half as good... but your support was encouring!**

**I tried to tie up some loose ends in this chapter and for once found a more positive end :) Enjoy!**

* * *

Extreme heat woke her. Her jaw ached, a cramp lingering there. As she clenched her teeth a nauseating pain shot through her temples. She struggled to get out from under the suffocating fabric, turning and tossing until she realized she was clawing at her shirt in a futile attempt. She'd have to calm down. _Breathe, _she commanded. Every breath she took went in with a high whimper and out as a dry rustle.

The sun was shining through tinted glass at her. _I'm in a car. _

She shot upright instantly._ ... not good. _Everything started spinning immediately and she slipped sideways down the seat. She couldn't tell, if they were moving. She couldn't even tell, if her eyes were open or not. Blindly she reached for the door handle, pulled and pushed, no matter what. The relief of cool air whooshed over her sweaty forehead.

"Mommy!", a voice pierced her ears as she stumbled onto a dusty ground on all fours. Her stomach started heaving at the impact.

"Maura!? Are you out of your mind?"

_Jane. _

_Alright._

Maura was unable to reopen her eyes. Jane's voice zoned in and out. Something about Korsak's car Jane had taken. To safety. A family and a farm he knew outside of Boston. A flight from the hospital despite her condition. Deluth.

After that everything disappeared in a haze. Maura only woke to the cool liquid drizzling down her inflamed throat every now and then, always followed by Jane's soothing words.

* * *

When she came around, she found herself alone in a small room with a warm wooden floor. The heavy curtains in front of the windows were closed. She peeled herself out of the tightly tucked in sheets and examined her own body in astonishment. She was clothed in unfamiliar cotton pajamas. The shirt had slipped up and her hipbone stood out sharp against the skin. Right on cue her stomach grumbled painfully. She was starving.

She let her weak legs carelessly roll off the bed and stepped right into a metal bowl filled with lukewarm water and a sponge. Some water spilled over and onto a mattress next to her bed as the bowl clattered around on the wood.

A second later the door was pushed open and a little girl tried to stop herself from tumbling into the room. Maura stared at the stranger, unable to ease the tension. Nothing made sense to her anymore.

"Hi", the girl said softly, but Maura still couldn't find her voice. Maybe she _had_ lost it. Somehow her throat felt... _empty, _her body a hollow shell.

"Mom! Jane?", the girl now shouted gazing over her shoulder, her voice suddenly loud and demanding.

Maura couldn't even blink.

And then Jane pushed through, looking just as unfamiliar as everything else. She was wearing a bib overall and a red and green lumberjack shirt. Maura gave an incredulous chuckle, which came out as an undefinable rasping sound.

"I know, right?", Jane beamed at her and waved over her outfit. "Looks ridiculous."

"Shush!", another voice chastised and Maura's head snapped back to the door, where another dark haired woman had appeared, who was now shaking her head at Jane's wide grin. Unconsciously Maura moved one hand to her chest and grabbed the fabric as if she had to keep it from falling away. As her eyes searched the ground she missed how Jane gave the foreign woman a meaningful nod and how the girl was shooed out of the room right before the door closed with a loud scraping on the wooden planks.

"I'm so glad, you're better", Jane said and came to sit on the mattress in front of Maura. _She had slept next to me._

"Where are we?"

"You don't remember?" Jane reached for something under the bed Maura was sitting on and suddenly pulled out a pair of woolen socks. She then took Maura's foot in one hand and removed the wet sock, before she slipped the soft fabric of the other pair back around Maura's ankle.

"Not really", Maura whispered and blushed, overwhelmed by the tenderness the simple action held. She couldn't tell that she remembered Jane's cool hand lingering against her cheek. Or the sweet words she had whispered. There seemed to be no truth beyond that.

"Well", Jane's voice came out low and careful as if she was talking to a shy pet, "we're in Townsend, one hour out of Boston. Korsak gave us his car and told me to-"

"Drive up to this farm... he knows the family, doesn't he?", Maura filled in.

Jane nodded. "They're actually friends of his second wife. Listen, Maura", and her businesslike tone awakened an uneasy feeling in Maura's stomach, "I was really hoping you'd wake up soon. I have to drive back to the city to check on my family."

"I'm coming with you", Maura stated as if Jane had been asking.

"No, Maura. You stay here and rest. You have been sleeping three days straight, fighting pneumonia with Tylenol, when you should have been in a hospital, you're merely skin and bones-"

"I'm coming with you", Maura rasped again. She hated the vulnerable sound of her voice, but at least Jane might have missed the hurt she actually felt.

"Maura...", Jane half chuckled at the futile stubbornness. "I really don't need you there, you're still too weak." At that Maura pulled back until her head hit the wall behind her bed.

"That came out wrong", Jane sighed. "Listen", she said for the second time and the use of this mandatory word finally gave Maura another feeling to cling on: Anger.

"It's something Korsak said", Jane continued, seemingly oblivious to her surroundings. "When I came around after I had passed out from the snake bite, he told me that they had caught 'the guys' and then he suddenly mentioned 'the Palmer pack'-"

"Frost's case that we closed three weeks ago?", Maura cut in, suddenly distracted by the unexpected information.

"Exactly", Jane sighed relieved. _She must have been dying to talk to someone about it._

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know. That's another reason to go back to Boston." And the anger was back. "I ditched our cell phones and Korsak knows better than to contact us, but I really need to know what's going on. I don't know, if it means that Deluth and the Palmers are working together or maybe Deluth arranged everything a lot more intricate than I thought."

"You believe, he's capable of framing members of the Palmer family for our kidnapping?"

"Well, we know he's capable of infiltrating the hospital staff to inject you with some shit that gave you a seizure." Either the blunt statement or the curse made Maura flinch.

"Look", Jane continued, sounding a little apologetic. "I didn't wanna risk putting this family in danger. But I _have_ to drive back now. The councilman might have done God knows what to my Ma or Frankie or Tommy or...", her voice broke. "I believe, he'd do anything to get to me. And I'm not sure Korsak or Frost or Cavanaugh have the power to protect my family."

"The family on this farm is already in danger. I won't stay any longer." Maura hoped her hoarse answer held any resoluteness, but the detective shook her head.

"No, Maura. You'll be safer here. And if I'm not a hundred percent positive that I don't have a tail, I'm not gonna come back here. You need to trust me, I'm gonna work this out." The statement closed up Maura's throat and stung her eyes. This time Jane noticed the change immediately.

"What?", she asked a little harsh and suddenly sounded quite tired, resigned even. "Come on, Maura, talk to me. I don't have time for this..."

"You don't trust me", Maura said, voice steady, but she furiously wiped a tear away that tried to betray her.

"What?", Jane asked again, confused and at the same time more tentative.

"You don't trust me to be strong enough, to be... to be something else but a victim in this. Instead you play your arrogant, bad ass detective role as if you've still got a gun or a badge, as if you still got any power, as if nothing happened to you as long as there is someone you can proclaim as worse off than you, someone you can take care of so you don't have to take care of yourself."

Now it was Jane's turn to retreat as she looked at Maura in shock.

"And you know what?", Maura continued, "A part of me really wants this. I want you to care, to fight... to be there for me, but... it also makes me feel small and-and even useless sometimes, if-"

"How can you even think that?", Jane whispered.

"Don't make this about me, Jane!", Maura shouted as much as her sore throat would allow and pointed an accusing finger at the other woman. "This is about you! Just because it takes me a while to sort through my feelings, to build up trust, doesn't mean you're doing a much better job." She could see Jane struggle with herself, fidgeting.

"You ask me to trust you, to listen to you, but can't do the same. You don't trust me", she repeated and couldn't stop the tears anymore. "Not now, not in the hospital, not back in that basement..." A strangled noise escaped her as she was unable to continue.

"In the basement?", Jane asked and Maura tried to cover up another sob with a hand to her mouth. She had expected Jane to get angry or to run, but the other woman was not avoiding. Instead she asked Maura for everything, she was willing to hear everything. Her eyes were glistening with determination... in a kind way, if that was even possible.

"You cried. When I...", Maura whispered and turned to watch the sun seeping through the curtains, "when I tried to remove the tape that covered your mouth."

"Maura." Jane didn't reach for her as if she knew better, but she waited until Maura built up enough courage to meet her friend's eyes again.

"Yes, I cried. I was uncomfortable. More than that... I felt... I felt vulnerable, but in the weirdest kind of way." She gave a deep sigh. "The situation itself was awful. I was completely immobilized and I hate it, when I'm not able to _do_ something, you know that... you just told me that. And I wanna protect _you_. But down there in that basement I wasn't _just_ vulnerable because of this sick man, but because I completely depended on you."

Maura took a breath, maybe to tell Jane she was sorry, but the detective seemingly saw it coming and waved her away. "It didn't hurt, it didn't... _you_ didn't come too close. It felt _right_, Maura", and it sounded as if she was defending a thesis she had been working on really hard for weeks. "It felt right", she repeated. "And that's what scared me. So much. Because in that moment I _did_ trust you. And it wasn't hard, I didn't have to think about it, it just _happened_."

Jane started working her hands and then traced the new skin over the small puncture wounds on the back of her hand with one finger. It then struck Maura that Jane would have another set of scars left on her hands. Two parallel slits from the snake bite and two equal knots from Hoyt's scalpels. This woman was marked with terrible memories. A sudden urge made Maura move towards the detective. She felt her weak legs trembling with the effort and at the same time a new strength flooded her heart, pushed her closer. She sank down on the mattress where Jane sat motionlessly.

"I'm sorry, Maura. I never wanted to give you the impression that you are in an inferior position or that you are some project of mine... you are completely equal to me." At that Maura finally closed the last bit of distance and burried her head in her friend's shoulder. Jane's long arms wrapped around Maura's skinny form.

She could have stayed like this forever.

* * *

"This are Maren and is her husband Andrew", Jane introduced the people that had given them shelter during Maura's recovery. The sun was setting and the whole family had gathered in the kitchen. Their oldest daughter had been sent to get Jane and Maura for dinner. It was the same girl that had first opened the door, when Maura had woken up.

The couple moved to shake Maura's hand. "And those are Harriet, Liv and Silas." Jane pointed at the siblings, who were already waiting at the massive wooden dining table. She pulled out a chair for Maura and sat down next to her, never letting go of Maura's hand in the process.

Maura smiled at the children, who were staring at her with open curiosity. The oldest girl returned her smile, while the middle one dropped her gaze to her plate quickly. As she took in the boy, she noticed that his hair was sandy, while everybody else's in the family was dark.

"I'm adopted", he commented matter-of-factly and Maura shot a surprised gaze at Maren, who had just joined the table. The older woman smiled.

"He always notices, when someone looks at him questioningly. It happens very often", Maren explained. "I was already 43, when we decided to have children, but two just weren't enough."

"Maybe we'll get another baby soon", Harriet added happily. "We've got always two years between each other and Silas is almost three." Maura looked back at the little boy, astonished by the confident answer he had given to her unexpressed thoughts.

"You know what, Silas?", she asked conspiratorial. "I'm adopted, too."

His eyes grew wide. "That's why mommy and daddy gave you a room!" And everybody burst into laughter, only Maura and Silas looked a little perplexed.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Jane felt Maura's eyes on her as she chased Silas through the kitchen and answered all of Harriet's never ending questions. The front door was being pushed open and in came a beautiful summer breeze and the chirring of crickets, followed by Abby the black lab. She went straight to the kitchen table, where Maura and Liv had remained since dinner. Liv introduced the dog that had started to lick her hands.

"She's not allowed in here while we're having dinner, you know", the five-year-old explained. "Otherwise she never leaves my side."

"Hey, watch this, Maura!", Jane called out excited. She held out her hands at the height of her waist, which Silas then grabbed before he pulled himself all the way up onto her back without any other help from Jane.

"Isn't his body tension remarkable? He's able to climb anything...", her voice trailed off as she gazed over to Maura, who was swaying dangerously in her seat. Within a second she was at her friend's side, Silas still clinging to her back.

"Hey, Maura!" She steadied the doctor by grabbing her shoulders. "Are you passing out?"

Liv appeared with a glass of water and handed it to the doctor, though Maura just looked at her confused. She probably hadn't even noticed the girl disappear in the first place.

"Thanks," the pale woman croaked and reached for the glass, "you're very observant."

"Her senses are incredible", Jane said and shot Maura a meaningful look. Her friend's forehead crinkled, but she didn't seem to understand. Thankfully, Maren entered the kitchen and helped out.

"She takes care of everybody", the dark haired woman said with a smile on her face. "Liv was born blind."

An "Oh!" slipped out of Maura and she quickly raised her hand to cover her mouth. Liv chuckled beside her. "I sat right across from you at dinner and didn't even notice", Maura stated in disbelief.

"I told you", Jane answered and patted Liv's shoulder while Silas slid down from her own. "They are _amazing_."

"You look a little drained, Maura," Maren said gently. "Do you want to go back upstairs?"

"I-"

"I will take you", Jane cut in immediately and already grabbed the doctor's hand, but a loud whining stopped her.

"No, Jane! It's not even seven! You promised to read to us..." Harriet was standing on the sofa, shouting across the hall and pointing two books towards them.

"Well, first of all you know your mother doesn't like it, when you stand on the couch." Jane caught an amused look from Maren, who had just hauled Silas up on her hip. "And second Maura is still recovering, so I wanna take care of her first." She watched Harriet slump onto the couch with a heavy sigh, while someone was tugging at her shirt. When she turned around she came face to face with Maura, who stood on wobbly legs.

"Please, Jane", the other woman said, "go read to them. It's... it feels so..." She waved around the house with a discontent sigh for her lack of a fitting word.

"Warm, healthful, beautiful?", Jane tried and Maura looked back at her both surprised and delighted.

She nodded slowly. "Like with your family", she said. "I wish, they could be here."

"Me, too", Jane affirmed. It stung.

"Alright, if you're feeling up to it", Maren said and eased the tension, "they're supposed to be in bed by 07:30. I'll get Silas upstairs and ready for bed now."

Jane mouthed a "thank you" to Maren like she had done so many times over the last couple of days. This woman amazed her in so many ways, but what she admired most was how she had welcomed Maura and her to be so close to this beautiful family... she had welcomed them to let them heal in more than one way.

"Let's get you to the couch." With that Jane supported Maura with a hand under the doctor's arm until they came to rest on the couch in the living room, where the girls were already waiting for them.

* * *

Maura had nodded off next to her halfway through the second story.

When Andrew came in from the barn, where he had been taking care of their three cows and the sheep, he shook his head at his two little girls. "Already 8:30, nuggets. How many stories did you force Jane to read?"

Jane gave him a smile. She would read all night if it meant to be cuddled up with Maura at her side and those two beautiful children. As Andrew ushered his pack upstairs, Jane wondered whether she should just scoop Maura up and carry her to bed. The smaller woman looked exhausted, even when she was asleep.

Then again Jane felt particularly tense, when it came to being close to Maura these days. The doctor's personal space had been violated in the worst kind of way and yet she trusted Jane, confided in her, slept curled against her on the sofa and that even in a strange environment. Jane would never do anything to jeopardize that. It should be Maura's call, whether she wanted to be carried or walk up the stairs by herself.

"Maura, sweetheart..." It felt so easy to talk to this woman as lovingly as she would with one of those children and at the same time Jane was somehow relieved that the doctor probably hadn't heard her. The open fire crackled, but other than that there was no sound.

"Maura?", she tried again and gently shook the other woman's shoulder.

"Mmm?"

"Hey", Jane chuckled. "D'you wanna go to bed?"

"Hm."

"Hm, yes or hm, no?"

"Hm... are you..."

"Am I what?"

Silence.

"Tell me." Jane gave her a nudge with her shoulder.

"Are you going to stay with me?", Maura mumbled and sounded embarrassed.

"I decided to stay for another day", Jane explained carefully. She didn't want another fight... she didn't want to see Maura so hurt again. "Andrew offered me a ride to Townsend tomorrow late afternoon. He'll get a rental car on his name and I'll be in Boston by 7:00." She took a deep breath. "Maura, if you want, you can come with me, but I'd feel a lot better, if I knew you were safe here. I promise, I'll come and get you as soon as I know that everything's gonna be fine."

Silence again. She moved a little to get a better look at Maura's face and was shocked to find her friend had blushed crimson.

"Are you alright?", Jane didn't dare to chuckle again.

"I meant", Maura rasped and cleared her throat, "I meant, are you going to stay with me... in bed." The last words came out in a whisper and Maura hadn't repeated it as a question this time.

Jane smiled at her. "If you want me to, I will." Maura gazed down, but Jane gently pushed the other woman's chin back up. "It's never too much", she confirmed and Maura nodded almost unnoticeable.

* * *

The next morning the door got almost busted by the force with which Silas pushed it open, its hinges squealed dangerously. The boy raced to the empty mattress as if it had been waiting to serve him as a trampoline.

"Get up! Get up! Get up!", he shouted, trying to make his voice sound low and authoritative.

Jane shot up at once and gazed around the room, startled. It had been a while, since she woke up to another person shouting out loud. And it had been about 35 years since a little boy had woken her in a brutal and endearing way as Silas just had.

Maura stirred next to her and firmly grabbed one of her wrists. "It's alright, Maura", Jane mumbled absently, before she let amusement crawl up her features.

"Hey!", a sharp voice called out from the hallway. "I said the guest room is off limits, young man!"

"It's alright, Maren", Jane yawned. "We're up." This felt so good... _right_.

"Yayyyyy!", Silas blared and swung himself on top of the two woman. Jane caught his little form easily, before he could crush his pointed knees into Maura's abdomen. She tickled him until he desperately tried to get a decent breath and rolled down onto the other mattress again in order to flee Jane's long tentacles.

They had breakfast on the front porch. August's sun had already warmed the air. A wonderful day lay ahead of them. Maren had brewed some amazing coffee and brought strawberries from her own garden, which she served with an extra big portion of whipped cream for Maura.

"This'll do you good", she said.

They spent most of the morning exploring the farm. Liv was their guide, she knew herself around better than anyone. She even told Maura and Jane, when to duck their heads because of a low hanging wooden beam in the barn or when to avoid sheep poop. All the while they listened to Harriet's unstoppable blabbermouth, and prevented Silas from climbing each fence and rain gutter.

At lunch Maura was barely able to hold her eyes open and Jane had nudged her to take a nap afterwards. As the doctor crawled under the covers she shot Jane a questioning look. She followed immediately and slid in behind the smaller woman.

"Never too much", Maura whispered already half asleep and Jane wrapped an arm around the doctor to pull her closer.

"I'll have to leave, though", she sighed sadly.

"I know", Maura answered and suddenly sounded a lot clearer. "I know and it's important and I really hope for the best."

"Korsak and Frost still might not know that this is about councilman Deluth. I had no time to tell them."

"I know... and I'm scared."

"I am, too, Maura. I'll do everything to bring this guy down as fast as possible."

"I know and I trust you." With that she put her hand on top of Jane's on her chest and pressed down so Jane could feel the frantic heartbeat.

"Everything will be alright", Jane whispered into Maura's hair over and over again until she felt the other woman's breath even out and heart calm down. Jane stayed awake, though. Unmoving for the two hours Maura slept peacefully in her arms.

* * *

Her departure tucked at her insides, an uneasy feeling rippling through her veins. Maura was first to step out of their long goodbye-embrace, telling her that she was strong enough to do this. She simply nodded at Jane and turned to walk back into the Davison's house.

One and a half hour later Jane had already reached Boston and called Korsak from a phone booth in Brookline. _Meet me at the public library_, was all she'd said. The library would still be open until 9:00 PM. She didn't think that there had been a break in the case or otherwise Korsak would have come to get or at least contact them. Part of her dared Deluth to come to the library, too. She was fairly certain that he had the power and means to tap into all of their cell phones.

Korsak was on time and easily spotted her, even though the reading hall was enormous and at this hour still filled with people, who appeared to be nose deep in their studies and research. When Korsak came up to her table, he pulled Jane into a bone crushing hug and cursed something inscrutable with no regard for the instructed silence all around them.

Jane had been right. Nobody had drawn a connection to Deluth's involvement, yet. They discussed all the necessary steps until a voice over the speakers told them that the library was closing.

Jane planned to call Gabriel Dean. She still trusted him. "He'll know the right people to get involved and bring this sonofabitch down", she explained. Korsak and Frost would move the Rizzolis into protective custody. None of them had been harmed to Jane's relief, though it made her feel particularly uneasy. Why would the councilman suddenly stop his threat to go after Jane's family , when his favored marionettes had escaped? Why not dare them to come out of hiding by threatening their folks? It felt like the quiet before an inevitable storm.

Jane decided to stay in Boston for 24 hours, out of sight at Korsak's home. She wanted to see how fast things would be moving and Korsak still couldn't risk to contact her as long as she stayed at the Davison's. The plan seemed solid and knowing that no one else had been harmed in her absence was encouraging nonetheless.

However, Korsak and Jane were oblivious to the young men, who sat three rows behind, observing them intently and watching Jane get back to her car. She'd never forgive herself for parking it in a public place like this.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi guys! Since there might be more readers as advertent as Redmoon124 I'd like you to know that I recycled some stories in this story. Most of it from a Castle story, but also some other, a lot older stuff. It's all by me, though.**

**Now enjoy the new chapter and let me know what you think - it fuels me! **

**All the best!**

* * *

Chapter Eight

The clapping of a car door pulled Maura out of her slumber.

_They're back_, she thought as she peeled herself out of the woolen blanket with which she had fallen asleep on the couch. She went to greet them, but as the entrance door came into view, she stopped dead in her tracks.

A blue and red flashing light flickered through the small window next to the door. _The police_. Had Jane sent someone? Had she maybe even succeeded to put Deluth in jail already?

"Hello?" The loud voice of a man made her flinch. Slowly she moved towards the door and carefully gazed through the slim window. Nothing, but the dark yard and the flashing light.

Then a face suddenly appeared right in front of her. Maura shrieked and jumped back in shock.

"Sorry, lady", the man said and held up his hands. One was holding a flashlight, the other waving at her slightly. "May I ask, who you are?"

Could she tell him? Should she?

"Who sent you?", she asked instead.

"The Marshall from Townsend PD. He sent me to check on the Davison's kids. Are you the nanny or something?" Maura settled for a simple nod. It wasn't really a lie and she still didn't know, if she could trust this officer.

"I'm here because of the Davisons, Andrew and Maren", he continued. "There's been an accident."

"Oh my god", Maura covered her mouth in disbelief and fear as she quickly closed the remaining steps to finally open the door.

* * *

_Maura found herself alone on the Davison's front porch, staring out into the dark night. Jane would have arrived in Boston about two hours ago. If Deluth weren't a threat any longer, she would have called. Otherwise she'd wait until the next morning and let the phone at the Davison's farm ring twice, using a phone booth to let them know she was okay._

_Maura felt herself shiver. If anything had happened to... Loosing a family member would break Jane. Jane, who had stayed out of sight and touch, because she, Maura, had been ill, because the detective had refused to leave her sight. Jane hadn't even told Korsak or Frost about Deltuh. How could she justify risking her family's safety over Maura's recovery. Maura, who could have stayed with the Davison's by herself all the while. _

_Maura would never, could never, bear it, if something had happened to one of them. When she thought of the Rizzolis, she could not help the bitter awareness of the fact that they actually did not need her at all, but she longed for them immensely. It had been the same with Hope, though things had changed, when both parties learned that Maura's kidney was a perfect match for Cailin._

_"What do you feel, when you look at the stars?", a girl's voice suddenly asked and Maura jumped slightly, before she turned around to find Harriet at the door, already in her nightgown, observing her. _

_Maura looked back at the sky and opened her mouth to start talking about the speed of light, or the both sad and consoling fact that most of the stars had already died, but their light was still shining on, or how she always missed a sky like this in a bright city like Boston, but somehow Harriet saw it coming and stopped her, before she could start to spend facts and theories like water._

_"I mean, besides all the knowledge you gathered?" The little girl stepped up beside her. The question startled Maura. Not only, because it was well asked, but because she seldom put aside her knowledge and let a response be guided by her feelings._

_Though somehow the answer came to her naturally. "I feel kind of small and unimportant", she said. "As small as a child, maybe. Or even smaller. The universe is gigantic and I might be its smallest part."_

_"Down here you are grown up and tall, but the moment you look at the stars you feel that small?", Harriet asked surprised, but not judgmental._

_"Yes", Maura answered softly after a pause. "Like a small wheel that no one misses, if it rolls into a dark corner." She wondered, if the metaphor might have been too bleak for a child that age. _

_"You know how I feel?", Harriet asked back and Maura glanced at her without answering. "I get the feeling as if I'm growing like a giant. I broaden into space, but not like a bubble that grows for some time and bursts eventually. It is an easy and naturally feeling. My skin wouldn't stretch or extend. I guess, it would be like fume that streams out. In the end I'm not only a part of everything, I am the universe myself and all the stars are within me. Can you imagine what that feels like?"_

_After a while Maura's response came as a shallow whisper. "No."_

_"No wonder", the girl chuckled softly. "If you could, you would also imagine it, 'cause it's stunning."_

_"Why did you ask me this?" Maura asked after a couple of silent moments had passed again._

_"Well, I was considering what the truth is: Are you as grown up as you look or as small as you feel?" _

_Somebody cleared his throat behind them and as they both turned to see Maren leaning in the door frame, Harriet ducked her head and disappeared back in the house._

"_She's allowed to be up til 8:30 on Saturdays, but she's always trying to stretch even that", the mother smiled._

"_I didn't even realize what day it was", Maura mumbled and fixed her gaze back on the stars, still lost in thought._

"_Harriet is seven, am I right?", she asked._

"_Almost eight", Maren replied._

_"How come your children seem so wise already?", Maura laughed._

"_I'm sure, you've been an amazing child yourself", Maren answered and shrugged as Maura looked at her questioningly. "Jane told us quite a bit about you", she explained. "I believe most of the people forget what it's like to be with children. They can be very capable of self reflection, they are smart, full of philosphy and incredibly funny... and nerve-racking."_

"_I'm sure they can be a handful, especially when you have a-", Maura stopped herself too late._

"_A child with a disability?"_

"_I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."_

"_It's alright." Maren sighed, but she didn't sound frustrated or hurt. "You know, they all come with both sides. Harriet is very smart, but strong headed and if she doesn't want to she gives a damn about being polite, about putting someone else in front of her own needs. Sometimes that's more than healthy selfishness", Maren chuckled._

"_And Silas, well he's kinda hyperactive, don't you think? He doesn't know how to ask for someone being close to him, yet he craves it very much. Instead he hits you with his tiny fists. Mostly these are gentle quarrels, but sometimes it gets brutal. _

_One might think what Liv struggles with is more obvious, but I wouldn't say her blindness is the issue. Andrew and Liv have been in a special summer camp the last three years. Back on their first trip Abby had been trained and came home with them. They are an unbeatable team. Liv is barely missing out on anything her siblings can do. Although, there is something that worries me. In contrast to Harriet, she's extremely sensible for other people's needs and often puts them before her own."_

"_It could be the typical role allocation", Maura suggested, intrigued by the family structures Maren was describing. "A child takes, what is not already taken. I've seen it in Jane's family as well, even though they are adults."_

_Maren nodded slowly. "Sometimes I'm afraid that she somehow feels like she has to give something back for the extra attention she gets now and then."_

"_Like during summer?"_

"_Exactly." The older woman sighed again._

What a beautiful mother_, Maura thought. Had one of her mothers ever given that much thought about the actual meaning of their daughter's behavior? Had Constance ever noticed that Maura had tried so hard to always be better, to be enough? It wasn't unlike the situation with Hope now, was it? Would she ever be able to give enough to heal that woman's sorrow over loosing a child?_

"_How can you let me stay here?" The question came out unexpected and desperate. "How can you approve, when I obviously endanger your family?"_

_Maren regarded her with an unreadable expression. Her brows furrowed as if she was trying to decipher something, but her lips curled slightly as if she was amused by something and her eyes were somewhat sad and warm. It made Maura shudder._

"_How many people die because of accidents every year?", Maren asked seriously._

"_From 2009 to 2010 it had been 118.043 people in the United States", Maura stated immediately._

_Maren's expression changed into a wide smile before she answered in earnestness again, "It will never be enough. I'll never be able to protect them so that nothing happens to them. All I can and want to do, is show them a life worth living for. A life, where we can be there for each other as well as for others."_

"_Complete strangers", Maura said, not really satisfied._

"_Come on, I want to show you something", Maren replied and nudged her inside._

_Maren led Maura to the study where she laid out three beautiful diaries on the desk. One for each child. She had collected memories, had written letters to her children even before they were born. A treasure beyond price._

"_There are no guarantees", she said. "But at least-"_

"_There's evidence of your love", Maura filled in and Maren laughed about the choice of words._

"_It's very endearing, Maren. Thank you for showing me, thank you for letting me stay. If there is anything I can do..."_

_There was._

* * *

Sunday had passed quickly. Jane had probably called, since someone hung up after the second ring as they had agreed. She would be back in the morning. A thought, that made Maura's heart jump.

When all the kids were tugged in, Andrew and Maren got ready to drive up to Townsend to watch a movie. They didn't want to involve anyone else as long as Jane or Maura were hiding in their house, so they had canceled the sitter. Although, when Maren had told this, Maura immediately offered to watch the kids.

Around nine she had dozed off on the couch, right before that cop woke her. The cop she was about to let inside.

A low snarl froze her movements once more. There couldn't have been a more distrusting sound. She turned around to find Abby, who had soundlessly come downstairs and now stood in the hallway, teeth bared.

"What is it, girl?", Maura whispered and felt a shiver down her spine.

A brutal knock on the door made her jump again, before it was answered by the loudest and most furious bark the black lab seemed to be capable of. It sent Maura flying up the stairs, racing towards the children's rooms.

Though mid-stairs another thought hit her. The man was going to enter the house at some point. And Abby wouldn't be able to hold him off for long. She couldn't lead him right to the children, she had to find a weapon, had to stay downstairs and fight.

"Mommy?", a small voice asked from the top of the stairs and made her stomach lurch. Within a second she had taken the rest of the stairs, three steps at a time. The adrenaline was intoxicating.

"Liv, sweetheart, it's me, Maura", she said and took the girl by the shoulders. She stared into the little one's unfocused eyes and recognized fear and concern in her features. "You have to promise me something", Maura instructed in a hushed tone and waited until her much smaller counterpart nodded. "Get your brother and sister and hide. Not somewhere obvious, not in the closet or under a bed, okay? I'm sure Harriet will know a place."

The girl nodded again and already turned to leave, before she suddenly decided differently. "Abby...", she whispered and for a moment they both listened to the dog's fervent bark that was accompanied by the deafening blows on the door. Wood was already splintering.

"I'll take care of her", Maura said and felt like she had promised the impossible. "Now go!" She gave the child a small shove on the back and watched it disappear in the dark hallway. She couldn't waste another minute.


End file.
